change is inevitable but change is good. i still love the familiar more.

oh my god my life is so good. i mean despite the fact that the CTs are next week and i am gonna screw up and i cant push myself to do anything about them. yea man my lack of self-descipline aside, i think i really do have it good. and i just wanted to write that so i wont forget this, a blissful feeling as such, so that the next time belinda bitch-face comes knocknig at my door i will remember what a lucky ducky i am. yay.

i see you looking at me like i'm some kind of freak.
zarrr maybe i am.

hi peter whassup!

once upon a time i was stupid and naive but so very sure. once upon a time i tackled everything with such gusto. i wanna be peter pan. cos i'm hating just about every minute of this.

oh what grandeur

blogs are kinda dumb. kinda like gp class discussions with a bunch of people you barely know. i still don't know why i'm even blogging. but it's kinda like my newest cheap thrill. maybe the novelty will wear off soon haha i don't know.
well anyways there's this really annoying song by james blunt or some shit that's been stuck in my head for quite sometime and it's making me want to fly to england or wherever in the uk and slap the guy. you're beeeoooo-teeee-fooool...you're beeeooo-teeee-fooool... he moans like a ghost and people claim that song is beautiful?! (haha. pun) and i am no music snob btw. i don't go around telling people how I AM COOL cos i listen to this obscure band i bet u havent heard about and go around thrashing the melody the rhythm the lyrics of mainstream songs. hullo music is an form of expression and relaxation so why get stressed over it man. enjoy the occasional doses, moderate of course, of britney and fiddy-cent and whatever thrashy thing that comes up every now and then, noone will laugh at u la. but anyways i really really cant stand it when the deejays say a song is nice and play it again and again and then the whole world starts loving it or pretending to and then u hear the song on the bus on the road in the shops AARRGGGGGGGGH.
ok i'm going to find a nice song to get the english subway guy's voice outta my head. it's driving me crazieeeeeeeeee. and if anyone dares to humm that beeping tune or even anything that I THINK sounds like it, i will slap you the way i always slap cyndi. and jolin. just that i havent met them yet. aiyah whatever la.

take my heart and stomp all over it. nothing could ever feel better.

so i thought i'd go see for myself what's up with all these nursing homes. twas really rather..heart-wrenching, especially the stories behind some of these people there. they were really just normal people like you and i who got screwed by extremely high fevers when they were kids coz their parents are usually dumbasses who don't see the dangers of extremely high fevers. so now they just lie around, totally unable to care for themselves and some of them dont even know what's going on around them.
what really got me was how squirmish i felt just looking at them. you see, i like to see myself as a rather..um.. i don't know...un-squirmishy person when it comes to helping out. but then the head nurse was like, oh we dont have local workers here cos they cant take changing the adult pampers and quit after a week. and i was thinking to myself that i prolly wont even last that long man. sheesh how am i gonna do my big stuff man. i really gotta hand it to those nurses over at the home. they just take it all like nothing's off and go around feeding the patients and cleaning up for them.
you know those girls that close their eyes and turn away when they see stuff they dont like? i want to whack their heads off even though i know some of them prolly cant help it, but i myself was totally doing that. i mean not physically, but in my mind's eye i was doing exactly that. that's bad i must say.
it's all too easy to let other people handle all the tough stuff around you. sometimes i give in to temptation and do just that. sure, it's good to have it easy. just ask and someone out there's surely gonna be nice enough to help you out. but even when you get the whole thing done, there's this nagging sense of something somewhere that you didnt do the whole thing yourself, that u skipped the most difficult parts cos u couldn't handle it.
ogay that was a little depressive i must say. haha sorry but that's how i'm like when i get in my pensive mode. but hey it's better than when i get goofy and try and make unfunny jokes abt everything and force my poor friends to laugh for me. haha gay before i leave you on these lovely sun-ny sun-day (:D) let me remind you that there's school tomorrow and everyone should celebrate. and by celebrate, i mean dig a hole in the garden and bury your head in it. alternatively, you can dunk your head in my mouldy fishpond which my dog slurps from and take eleven and a half deep breaths.

smile like you really mean it

there's really a thin line between civility and hypocrisy aye? and a thin line between frankness and outright rudeness? cheerfulness and overly-perky behavior? what about confidence and arrogance? self-awareness and self-absorbness? the line is really so fine, sometimes i stumble for a moment before i really see it. they say people carry themselves in the way they want to see themselves as, which is almost always not the most truthful manner. some don't even know who they are, so maybe they aren't exactly acting...it's more like experimentation, to find the identity they are most comfortable with. i want to like people for just who they are, and only remember the nice things they have done and are capable of. but damn, some people really make it so difficult for me to see past their BABEDEEDOO little actions. tsk.
but my mommy still loves me. does yours love you too?

in the backyard dancing.

the weather is lovely. which justifies why i've been late for school 2 days in a row, right? man, i hope this isn't gonna be perpetual. there's a crazy influx of yummy tv shows and so im sort of glued to the couch. help me. this is totally murphy's law at work ok. i don't remember there being so many entertaining shows during the hols. lame. on a totally unrelated sidenote, i really hate pe. i mean i wouldnt mind it half as much if it were after school so i wont have to mind the sweating OR if the teacher were someone else other than DUBBADEEDOO. the good thing is when i'm in school i actually do enjoy myself sometimes, like during lunch or break, but when i'm at home i find myself making up songs about how I DON"T WANNA GO TO SCHOOl and screeching them out. maybe i am sick? ogay off to sing another song. wanyi out. :)